


1982

by MercenaryBlood



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depictions of Drowning, Dreams, Facing Feelings, First Kiss, M/M, Self Loathing, SoRiku Week 2019, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercenaryBlood/pseuds/MercenaryBlood
Summary: Riku, out of exhaustion, is forced to sleep but rather than waking up in his bed in Radiant Garden. He wakes up on that beach with the darkness that's been brewing for far, far, too long.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 31





	1982

When Riku opened his eyes he was greeted with the bright sunny sky of destiny islands above him, white fluffy clouds hanging in the air while cotton candy dreams. He smirked to himself as he sat up over how Sora has influenced his thoughts recently; Never would he think of clouds as dreams, let alone cotton candy ones, but here he was thinking that exact thought. The gentle sea air filled his nose as he swept back his hair, only then noticing that something was out of place within this world. Standing up, his heart pounded as Sora stood near the Paopu tree just gazing at the ocean without moving or saying a word to draw his attention. Sora never did have to do anything for Riku to notice him but that was just Sora, he had an air about him that let everyone now sunlight was here. No words came to his mind as his boots left heavy prints in the sand to show his full running force. He wanted to scream but a dry throat stopped him. Why couldn't he muster the words?  
  
Before he'd reached Sora, something stepped in his way to prevent him from getting closer; It was himself, rather a different version of himself, but he was younger than what he really was. A blindfold shielded his eyes, long hair fell upon his shoulders as the wind carried it, and he held himself in an unnatural stillness. Riku found himself sliding to a stop in the hot sand before getting anywhere near the other boy but found his palms sweaty with fear. He could recognize this version of himself and he hated seeing it again. The other Riku, the Riku who carried Ansem for far too long, motioned to his lips with his index finger as if to tell him to keep quiet. yet, strangely, he complied and kept himself silent. His eyes moved up to Sora though, who was still standing by the tree without a care at all.  
  
When he moved his gaze to Ansem, Riku had to control his shaking fist as the cloaked version of himself motioned to the boy behind him. "I'm sure you understand that this isn't reality." His voice didn't even sound like his, it _sounded_ like Ansem, but he knew it was his own from just a few years ago. "Sora's gone." God he didn't want to look at that tree because he knew it was true. Sora was gone. He felt sick to his stomach to know that this was a dream. "Try as hard as you can but there's no point in walking to places that don't exist to you anymore."  
  
He was right.  
  
Riku could only grit his teeth as Ansem spoke to him in his own voice before his eyes reluctantly moved to look where the tree stood over the ocean; He wasn't there anymore, nothing was there outside of the tree and the island, and his heart dropped into the acid pit of his stomach. Too many regrets filled his head in that moment as Ansem bored daggers behind that pitch black blindfold. It was a familiar feeling of thoughts bouncing around in an empty void as he was forced to confront them, all the times he wished he'd treated Sora better, the times jealousy attacked him, and the many words he wished he said but never did. The heavy feeling of a fruit settled into his hand as Ansem placed it there as his blindfold slipped off, forcing him to face his own eyes, before those same hands pulled back to fold across his chest. "Do you remember this?" He did as he looked upon the fruit, "When you were alone you said to yourself 'I wish I would have tried the Paopu thing.'"  
  
"Our fates were already intertwined it looks like." Riku mumbled, his pale eyes staring at the fruit in his left hand. He eventually held it up to the sky, for the clouds and the sun to hold for a moment, and thought of Sora in that moment. "No matter what I do, where I go, or who I am he always seems to find me."  
  
"Is the Paopu something you regret?"  
  
He had to think about it for a moment but perhaps Ansem already knew the answer, he just wanted Riku to admit it to himself. They may already share a fate like Mickey told them in the dream, that their hearts will always be connected and flow with the same melody, but the Paopu was said to bind you together forever. Their hearts might be connected to the same sound but they follow different beats and always have but that star fruit might have aligned them together perfectly. The thought alone made Riku's chest tighten and caused that heart of his to pound against his ribcage with anxiety bubbling within. "Yes." it was physically painful for him to say that. "I should have told him when we were younger that I wanted to share it with him."  
  
Ansem hummed in agreement as he turned his eyes to the crystal clear ocean, "Sora, If I win we share the Paopu. If you win we'll name the boat whatever you want." A smile curled up when Riku tossed the fruit into the water, the bright yellow fruit swaying with the waves as one of the corners was missing. "You know, Sora tossed the fruit into the ocean after you handed it to him." He could feel Riku look at him, "You were too interested in running away and didn't even pay him any notice before he ran after you."  
  
"How do you know that?" Riku questioned.  
  
"I know plenty of things that you don't." Ansem mumbled, not taking his eyes off the ocean. "This is your dream. I'm not real, at least not anymore. You may not like who you were but I will always be here to remind you of what you did." Before Riku could interject, to tell him the awful things he was responsible for, his cyan eyes moved to glance at the clouds above them. He found himself gazing at the sky again as well as Ansem continued to speak, "Dreams are a view into the sleeping mind of our hearts one true desire. They speak more than any word can hope to describe which is why, upon waking, we usually forget everything we ever saw in them." A breath, "What do you think this dream means, Riku?"  
  
He reached a hand up to the sky, his five fingers spread wide as if he was waiting for someone to grab it and pull him away, "He isn't here anymore." He had to take a breath, "That should be enough, right?"  
  
"There's something more to it." Ansem said, "Isn't there something missing?"  
  
"We're the only two here." Riku admitted as the ocean now touched his boots, slicking the leather until it was a beautiful shine. Slowly, to the point where he couldn't notice, the crystal clear waters were growing around his ankles as the sea slowly consumed the world around them. When Riku moved his eyes, from the sky to the sea, he noticed that Ansem was no longer there beside him as a massive wave began to grow; He didn't care as he took off sprinting into the ocean, his feet being pulled down by the water weight but he didn't care because he was only focused on one thing. Sora had replaced Ansem in his mind and stood far into the ocean but never moved as the water raised high above his head. They were the only two here. His throat dried up again as he reached out a hand to the sky, to Sora, and just as his hand grasped the shoulder Sora turned his head with wide eyes.  
  
Being pushed under the water by such a strong wave was suffocating and disorientating as well as the rapid flush of water caused his body to twirl and spin in many directions at once; Growing up on the island taught him how to hold his breath but years of swimming wouldn't save him if his air was forced out of his lungs by power greater than his own so, in a moment of weakness, his mouth opened and gasped. He sucked in the salty sea water almost instantly as it was quick to fill his chest, suffocating him and choking him, as he tried to find which way was up. The salt stung his eyes but he had to keep them open to find the light of the sun above him. No matter how hard he kicked his legs, drug his hands through the water, Riku couldn't find his way through the water and panic began to settle as his stomach burned alongside his chest like someone had lit a fire. He'd already sucked in water, water was already in his chest, and water kept filling his lungs before his muscles began to wear down. This ocean always felt warm but now, it was like ice held onto his body as it slowly sank down into the inky abyss of the sea below. Everything hurt, everything burned hotter than the warmest summer days, and it wasn't before too long that his vision faded to black as the sun's warm rays reached down like hands to pull him up.   
  
When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing but darkness as that burning feeling of salt in his body churned his stomach and made his fingers tense. He really tried to sit up but the muscles in his body refused to move as the cold feeling of glass upon his skin settled deep into his bones. Forcing him to sit up, against his will mostly, was the image of he and Sora when they were sword fighting with those little wooden swords; The slap of driftwood upon driftwood echoed throughout the void as the laughter of innocent children followed in suit. Sora dropped down on his knees as the wooden sword slid across the stained glass before a boot came down to stop it. The sword fight continued as Sora rolled across the glass, his body changing quickly in the blink of an eye, as his long arm shot out to grab it from under Riku's boot. Everything was changing so quickly that he could barely follow it with his drowned haze mind before that fight transitioned to their races with their steps echoing louder and louder in the air until a sharp splash of water filled his ears. His eyes, wide, watched as Sora threw the paopu before sprinting after him and fading alongside the Riku that no longer existed.  
  
Now, he was back to that familiar feeling on loneliness while the void opened under him as his legs dangled over the edge of the ledge. Growing up, Riku never really had the parents to tell him what these feelings were or how to understand them so it took him an sad amount of time to realize what he was even feeling.His words from his younger days pounded in his mind as he rested his head in his hands. Envy and jealousy gnawed at his heart for so many years to the point where he welcomed the darkness he harbored before it turned into a spiral of self loathing. "I should have said something even if the outcome was the same." Riku found himself smiling as he stared at the darkness of this closed eyelids, "When he was a kid he probably would have done the same thing but now, I'm sure he would have taken it in a heartbeat after he's lost me as many times as he has." He had nothing else to do but talk to keep the crippling silence away, "I'm his dream eater, I'm supposed to keep him safe, but..." he didn't want to say it but the thought was there. _Who's supposed to keep me safe from my own dreams?_  
  
I guess the best person to keep himself would be the one who holds his light.  
  
He didn't have to look to know Sora was right beside him and almost on instinct, he leaned over and rested his head upon the shoulder of the other boy without opening his eyes. The longer he kept his eyes closed, the longer he could believe that this wasn't a dream anymore, that Sora was right there beside him just like when they were kids. Just like they were long before any of this started, before Kairi came to the island, and before Riku knew what his heart wanted. _I miss you._ "I wish I knew where you were." he was doing just what he'd taught himself, never speaking your heart but letting your fear change your words. _This is just a dream, tell him how you actually feel. There's nothing but you and him._ "I...I miss you, Sora."  
  
Sora's hand wrapped around him, clutching his arm tightly as he too rested his head against the other. "I miss you too, Riku." He could feel Sora stifle a laugh before speaking again, "You think we'd be used to this, huh? How often we're apart." Riku just let out a quiet huff of laughter as Sora's fingers clutched at the arm of his jacket, making it seem like he was gripping so tightly to the point he was gonna rip it. He knew Sora so well that even in his dreams he seemed so painfully real to the point where he could hear him take a shaky breath. He couldn't help himself with Riku, It was just so painful. "I'm sorry."  
  
Riku just snaked his arm around his best friend before he gave a comforting squeeze, "You never have to apologize to me, Sora. You didn't do anything wrong at all."  
  
"But I left you, I left Kairi, and I-"  
  
"Sora, I wanted to share the paopu with you." Riku admitted, his eyes still closed to chase this dream. It was a way to trick himself into thinking everything was real, that he was back on the island with Sora by his side and a paopu between the two of them, but he knew the only thing that waited for him when he woke up was the cold ceiling of his room. Sea salt filled his nose again as the heat slicked evening air touched his skin while the setting sun's light changed the darkness of his eyelids to a muted red. He could feel the bark of the tree against his exposed legs and while he wanted to open his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to do it. "I said the winner shares with Kairi to mess with you because I was scared."  
  
"Riku...?" Sora's tear filled voice mumbled his name. He knew the tears were from Sora's attempt at an apology and still were ever present but how he said his name, it made the confession far worse in his head. There was more he needed to tell him, more that he needed to admit to himself, but that voice made his heart freeze in his chest.  
  
"I thought if I told you I wanted to share it with you that you'd be weird out by it and see me differently." He admitted, mostly to himself rather than the Sora in his dreams. None of this was real, Sora wasn't here anymore, so none of this mattered to anyone but him. He's known for too long that he's been running from this ever since they were young and stupid; Sora was part of the reason he was able to smile more and feel happy again but knowing he's kept this locked away in his feelings for this long made him scared. "I didn't want to lose my best friend." _But I guess what I did was far worse huh?_ Riku, with a frown continued to speak, "Instead of telling you how I felt and facing it head on...I ran away and opened my heart to darkness _because_ I wanted to run." He found himself continuing to talk without Sora instigating him, "I hurt you. I've made you cry far too many times. What I did to you was unforgivable."  
  
Sora's grip faultered as his hands gently moved Riku's body away before moving to hold his face as his cyan eyes opened in a shocked blink. Tears filled his bleary eyes but he just smiled at his friend, to comfort him, before speaking to him in the softest voice. "I cried for you not because you hurt me, you could never hurt me, but because I care about you." Riku just blinked as tears filled his eyes, he was never one to cry really, choosing to keep his real feelings locked up for himself alone to deal with so this vulnerability was foreign to him. He relaxed into Sora's touch before pressing his forehead against the other as he began to speak once more, "You don't need to hide anything anymore, Riku."  
  
"You understand me more than I understand myself, you know that?" Riku mumbled, closing his eyes and letting the tears roll down his cheeks. He knew there were no dangers here but yet he found himself standing on the line; His feet were on the beach like before and the waves were licking his boots, it was a dangerous line. If he wasn't careful it would be a repeat of the same events as the wave would arrive to swallow him back up, drowning him back into the void. Everything was terrifying but he knew he could just wake up, face the world with only his thoughts telling him that he'd told the truth without ever saying a thing. This was a conversation the real, living, breathing, Sora deserved to hear. "Then you probably already know what I'm gonna say, huh?"  
  
"I'm your best friend, Riku." Sora smiled, "I've always known where your head's at. Same goes for you too because, no matter what, you always find me."  
  
How could he even say this when his heart felt like it was going to jump right into his throat, keeping him from talking an choking him on his own words and feelings. He felt like he was drowning again as he placed his hand over Sora's like he was a rock to keep him on the beach of the island. "I..."He took a heavy breath as he opened his eyes, he _had_ to look at him, he couldn't do this running away. Those wide blue eyes of his best friend stared at him with his glassy sheen because of the tears he'd just cried and he knew he must look about the same now as well. Tears they'd cried for each other. He wasn't even sure how he'd even phrase this at all but he'd force the words out even if it killed him, "I care about you so much." _Just say it._ "Ever since we were stupid kids, I've...liked you."  
  
"Sorry for being oblivious."  
  
"That's ok." Riku mumbled, his heart pounding. "Sorry for being so stubborn."  
  
"It's ok." Sora's voice had a slight laugh to it outside of the melancholic tone he took, "I should be there with you. Outside of-"  
  
Riku just gently shook his head as he moved Sora's hand away from his face and in the back of his thoughts he had to keep himself from shaking; Sora was right but right now wasn't the time for hoping things were different. He hasn't stopped looking, he's been looking every single day, and nothing. However, if there is one place he knows he can see his best friend it's in his dreams. Sora will always be waiting for him here, sitting on that tree with his legs kicking, and it'll be just the two of them relaxing in the sunset. Kairi was his friend too but the bond he has with the other islander, it was something that broke the normal bonds of what someone might call 'friendship'. Their hearts beat together to the same tune like a perfect routine practiced for years and years without a break, a symphony of two masters playing together, a bond unbreakable by even time itself.   
  
The lovestruck idiot in him wanted to kiss him, to finally tell him exactly how much he loved him, but the moment he got close enough for their foreheads to touch he felt the panic building up. Sora stopped talking and the only thing Riku could hear pounding in his ears was his own heartbeat and his friend's breathing but all it did was make the panic worse. "I will _never_ stop looking for you." he finally forced words out of his dry throat and his stomach did a flip when Sora just closed his eyes and smiled before opening them, looking up at with a sun's amount of love. _I know. I'll be waiting._ He didn't even need to talk for Riku to understand his words. With their hearts in sync, Riku finally closed the gap between them with the softest kiss and just closed his eyes to cherish this moment. While it was just a dream, this Sora wasn't the real Sora, it was real enough for him to finally force himself to face the darkness in his heart. The feelings he kept shut away for years just because of fear and he knew he'd have to do it again, eventually, but for now he could sit with himself and understand himself.  
  
It would be harder if- When he saw Sora again but he wouldn't run away anymore. He didn't live in the darkness and while darkness lived in him, with Sora by his side, he would turn that hate into love and light. There were plenty of times he knew Sora would have been better off leaving him behind and not even bothering to hold out his hand but he did and no matter how many times he'd smack it away, no matter how many times Riku would give him reasons to leave, Sora kept running after him. He isn't sure Sora will share his feelings but he is certain that, no matter what, Sora would never give up on him; As kids he never left, In hallow bastion he went after him, and in the world that never was he broke down crying because he could see him again. He never stopped and so, in turn, Riku wouldn't stop either.  
  
Home is where there heart is, it's something that Kairi told him a while back and it took him too long to realize where his home was.   
  
Sora, his best friend and the one who had his heart, was his home.

**Author's Note:**

> So that Re:Mind trailer am I right?
> 
> Song that the fic is named after: 1982 by The Crash Engine | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FefTouWl8gk


End file.
